Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Trust Even When . . .

This area of trust has been a huge one in my life. I've had such issues with it. When I was little I was probably trusting to a fault. Thankfully it never played out in the really bad ways it could have, but at times, it did play out.

I went to a very rough school starting out: K-2nd grade. And there was a girl in my school, for whatever reason didn't like me. And she was BIG!! I was not. And alas she picked up on that, and probably the fact that I was shy and very timid. Well, she made it her mission to pick on me, embarrass me and just all around be mean to me.

We (there were 5 of us kids; 3 or 4 of us in school at that time, don't remember) walked 8 blocks (1 mile) to school and back every day (yes up hills both ways, hahahaha). And on this particularly cold day after school my brother decided we would stop at the laundry mat and get a hot chocolate for the cold walk home. Well, I was thrilled. But, yep there is definitely a but here, as I was walking down the sidewalk with my hot drink, here she came. She ran right into me and spilled the VERY hot chocolate on my favorite yellow sweater!! Well, I did what any little pigtailed 1st grader would do, I cried and then my brother did what every big brother would do, he took off after her. Running like I've never seen him run. Apparently he caught up to her, and guess what? She never bothered me again, but every time I would see her or hear her, I'd be scared if my brother wasn't around, but she never posed a threat to me again after that. I trusted my brother. I knew he'd take care of me. He was great like that!!

Now why do I tell you this story. Well a couple of things really jump out to me when I think of this story, because what you don't know is that I was always a really sickly child. I was always catching something or hurting myself or just all around not feeling good. And around this time in my life was when my knee problems started. Yep really young. My first knee surgery was when I was seven, so because of that it made my brother even more aware that he needed to protect his little sis. And he did. And I trusted him, although he'd bug me and I'd get really mad at him and lock myself in the bathroom (another story for another day :0)

So trusting in the early years, I really didn't find difficult, but like I said I trusted to a fault at times. I would trust people I really had no business trusting!! But this issue of trust would take a turn in my teen years. Through a series of events, yes involving a boy, I decided that trusting might not be such a good idea, since it hurt so much to trust and be rejected, and thus the cycle began. I would trust and be hurt and would stop trusting and this would play out over and over again.

Well in 1986 when tragedy happened in our lives, I trusted no body at all, and this included God. Even as I type this my heart is sad. But I remember standing at David's graveside on what should have been a very happy day in a newly weds life, our first anniversary, and was crying and screaming out to God and telling Him that I was angry and this was so unfair and how could He do this, and on and on. Now please know that God has so healed my heart on this. He knew the pain that I felt and still today feel to a degree and He feels it right along with me, and through this pain ironically, trust started to rebuild, albeit many years later, but this was a catalyst. You see God never left me, never. Even when I was being ugly and couldn't see past the unrelenting grieve and pain I felt in those days. Even when I walked the other direction for so long, He was ALWAYS there. Loving me, drawing me, wooing me back unto Himself. I just love that!!

The issue of trust in our lives is HUGE!! And if you are like me and have issues with it, it can be a heavy cloud that is over your life. On Sunday our Associate Pastor preached and he said this on trust; trust does not equal understanding. You need to trust God even when you don't understand what He is doing. WOW!! I got it. God has been dealing with my heart on this issue of trust for sometime. I am a fixer, I want to fix everything. I don't want anyone to hurt or feel pain. But I must trust God to work and move even when I don't understand the how or the why or the anything, I just need to trust. He is God and He is ALWAYS GOOD AND ALWAYS GOD!!!!!!!!!

Over the last several months when something would come up God would tell me to trust Him, or more recently He has started pointing out to me when I'm not trusting. I didn't understand for so long why this was so difficult, but I've been trying to figure it all out instead of just trusting God to work it all out. He will, you know, He so will!!!

I don't know who needed to hear this today, but I really feel this is for someone today. If you are like me and have issues in this area, please let me encourage you. Get in the Word and get on your knees (or face down, in my case). A realtionship with Jesus is the beginning to trust. You can trust Him child, but you need to know Him, and the closer your relationship is with Him, the more you will trust.

I want to leave you today with Psalm 138:3,8:

"When I called, You answered me; You made me bold and stouthearted.
8 The LORD will fulfill His purpose for me; Your love, O LORD endures forever - do not abandon the works of Your hands."
Let me encourage you to pick up the Word and find help in your time of need. God is with you dear one, and He will fulfill His purpose for you, just trust. If you cannot see past your current circumstance God loves you. If you are in a time of grief and pain, God loves you. Even if you are in a season of sin, yes, God loves you. He is altogether Good and loving and cares for your EVERY need!! Reach out to Him today, you will find Him always faithful. Trust Him, He will help you and show you the way.
Lovin' you much,


  1. Dawn- I love this and thank you for sharing it. I didn't know about this part of your journey...and I am so moved by your story. I SO want to trust God with everything. You're right in what you said on my blog- Chronic pain will take its toll on your spirit. I want to emerge victorious, though, through the Word of God and its life-changing power. You encouraged me so much today, just like you always do...so thank you! Love you!

  2. Thank you so much for sharing this. I have been struggling all week with something in the trust arena. I am so encouraged by the verses from Psalms. I needed to be reminded that He will fulfill His purpose for me...on His timetable, not mine. I love you, friend!! You're the best!