Monday, May 17, 2010

Pain: The Crossroads of the Heart

I am currently reading "Strong Women soft hearts" by Paula Rinehart, in conjunction with The Bloom Bookclub. I am really loving this book. It probes the deep recesses of my heart.

The title of this post is the title of Chapter #3 of this book. I've decided that I'll do a post on Monday's to correspond with this chapter, as there has been much in here to work out in my heart and I thought maybe my journey might be an encouragement and help to you as well. We all have a story.

The first thing that I marked in this chapter was this: "In the end, I was thankful I had prayed." This really struck me. It is a simple sentence I know, but it took me instantly to an area in life that I am currently covering in prayer, and how thankful I am that I am praying through it, because in small ways I am seeing big changes. Most of all, God is working in ways in my heart that I just couldn't imagine. Yes I am growing up. At 43, maturity is coming. And the funny thing is, is that I already thought I was fairly mature. Boy was I wrong!!

At the bottom of the page that holds the above sentence I wrote: "I always want to be able to say this." Because the simple fact of the matter is, is that has not always been the case. When I was 19 and lost my sister Dana and my 1st husband David, within three months of each other, I cannot say that I prayed through that. I was not anywhere close to where I needed to be in God and I thought that He was against me. I blamed God and hurt....alot. It was such a difficult time in my life and I just didn't understand why it was happening. How could God let this happen? Those were my thoughts. Really the only praying I did during that time was that David would be okay (before I knew he was gone). After that, I just mostly yelled at God. The thing I know now is God could handle my raw emotion, and He was loving me, even when I was at my most unlovable. He is AMAZING!!!

I sit here today in a much different place in God, but I still experience pain and hurt. That time back in 1986, shaped and molded my heart in some not very good ways, and still today we (God and I) are working it out. I don't let people in close very good. I'm better than used to be, but it is still hard. But God (don't you love that?!!) is showing me how wonderful it is to love unabandoned. To love without strings attached. To love like this is your last day on the planet. That is an amazing way to love!!! I have a lot to learn, but oh the journey is so incredible!!!

Maybe over the course of these Monday's we'll learn together. We will understand and focus our hearts on God and move closer to that which He has called each of us to. I firmly believe there is a call on our lives; each one of us. I want to move ever closer to that which He designed me for. I want to be all I can be in Christ.

Thank you for helping navigate the difficult waters of pain. You know first hand what it is to suffer and You alone can give us peace in the journey through the many aspects of pain that we face here. I love You so Father and I praise You, Amen.


  1. Steve mentioned in the sermon yesterday that when the Chinese write out the word for the greatest kind of love, it has pain attached to it. So, it is "pain love"... meaning it's the kind of love that can bring you the most joy and the most pain. Interesting.

  2. wow... so insightful... such meaning in few words... I think sometimes in crisis situation, we either pray MORE then we EVER would... or dont pray at all.. I want prayer, the communication with me & God to be there always - in EVERY situation...

    Beautiful post friend!

  3. Dawn! I have had that very book sitting on my nightstand for over a month. I won it at a MOPS meeting. On some level I figured this book was really from the Lord but somehow that wasn't enough to get me to open it. And now I KNOW He wants me to read what is between those pages. Oh my. Thanks for being His messenger today my friend! Hugs, Hope

  4. Dawn,

    I love this post! Too many times we, as Christians, fall short of our spiritual maturity and just seeing this post reminds us all of how God uses this difficult situations to bring us to a new stage in our spiritual walk.

    While we remain living and breathing here, we still have a lot of learning to do, but its so nice to take a glance back in our lives to see just how far God has taken us in our walk of faith and love with Him. May ever day be a learning experience with Him!

    Love and Hugs ~ Kat

  5. "Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
    1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

    It is hard to do sometimes. We are so fortunate that God understands this and waits patiently for us to comeback to Him.