As a little girl, I was a truster. You know, probably to a fault. If you told me something I believed it. In my little head I had no reason not too. I kept this trust until the events of 1986 when I lost my sister Dana in a motorcycle accident and then when I lost my first husband 3 months later in an accident at work. Trust was shattered. The hope I had put in my future, gone. It was so difficult.
It wasn't until MANY years later that I would even realize that the trust I once had was shattered. I didn't realize that I wasn't trusting others, but I didn't. Or for some reason, I would trust again to a fault in things that I knew better than to trust in. The mind is a powerful thing. Satan is the enemy of our souls. These two things I found challenging the arena of trust. I was at war against my mind and satan.
As you well know by now, I am reading "Strong Women soft hearts" by Paula Rinehart, and I just can't get over it. This book is speaking volumes to the place I am RIGHT THIS VERY MOMENT in my life. It is amazing!!! I love it that God works in this way. He knew I needed to read this book and when I needed it. Amazing!!
Well, I am in Chapter 6 and the title alone will get ya: "Trust: The Art of Falling Backward" Can I get an Amen?!! I mean seriously.
I'd like to share just a couple of things with you from this chapter that are speaking to me, but seriously I am marking this one all up!! If you are not a book-marker, sorry about that. I mark up my books. In fact, if you borrow a book from me you are liable to find that I've marked it up and written a name or fact or two about my own life in the margin. It is a beautiful thing!!!
anyway...
"What makes the Christian experience of surrender and trust unique is that when you let go of the object of your attachment, you are not shutting down on the inside. In experiencing the disappointment of a longing, you are accepting that loss as an invitation to a fuller experience of your heart's real desire - to know, at the root of your being, that you are loved. Disappointment is often the back door into grabbing hold of that reality more strongly."
So is that my problem? I don't really feel loved? Hmmm this was very interesting to me, because I know that God loves me, but do I know it deep. You know in that place where the rubber meets the road and something has to give in life, you are in a difficult spot and everything seems to scream at you to give up and walk away, do I know it deep that in those moments I press in, instead of crumble? These are questions I am asking myself.
In this current season, I've had to really look deep into my heart. You know, that place of faith, and what I have found has not always been the prettiest of things. I have realized that I've not been trusting and placing all my hope in God. I have put it to some degree in people. Now I know better, but I'm just keeping it real. This is a raw place to be, but it is also so enlightening to me as well. Father is showing me that it truly is all about Him and who He is, and it is NOT about me or what I am or what I'm not. Now isn't that interesting. Yep I am learning so much right now.
I was loved by God before the foundation of the world, and He loves me with an everlasting love.
As I was reading this morning and the subject of being loved by God has been the theme, I went here to the computer to start this post, and when I pulled up my home page this is what it said: "I love you, I love you, I love you" God.
Thank you Father for this message this morning. I really needed it and You knew that. Nothing that I say, think or do is beyond You and I am thankful. Help me to be more like Christ every single day. Call me out on my stuff Lord. Don't let me get away with feelings of inferiority or anxiousness....call me out and help me to deal with it Lord. I want to go deeper with You Father. Take me there. I praise You Father. In Jesus Name ~~ Amen
"You will only know you are there when you feel a little on the edge of your chair - and yet strangely at peace. Getting there, sometimes, feels like a miracle itself. It is the place of trust."
Love you ~~ Have a Blessed and Beautiful day,
It wasn't until MANY years later that I would even realize that the trust I once had was shattered. I didn't realize that I wasn't trusting others, but I didn't. Or for some reason, I would trust again to a fault in things that I knew better than to trust in. The mind is a powerful thing. Satan is the enemy of our souls. These two things I found challenging the arena of trust. I was at war against my mind and satan.
As you well know by now, I am reading "Strong Women soft hearts" by Paula Rinehart, and I just can't get over it. This book is speaking volumes to the place I am RIGHT THIS VERY MOMENT in my life. It is amazing!!! I love it that God works in this way. He knew I needed to read this book and when I needed it. Amazing!!
Well, I am in Chapter 6 and the title alone will get ya: "Trust: The Art of Falling Backward" Can I get an Amen?!! I mean seriously.
I'd like to share just a couple of things with you from this chapter that are speaking to me, but seriously I am marking this one all up!! If you are not a book-marker, sorry about that. I mark up my books. In fact, if you borrow a book from me you are liable to find that I've marked it up and written a name or fact or two about my own life in the margin. It is a beautiful thing!!!
anyway...
"What makes the Christian experience of surrender and trust unique is that when you let go of the object of your attachment, you are not shutting down on the inside. In experiencing the disappointment of a longing, you are accepting that loss as an invitation to a fuller experience of your heart's real desire - to know, at the root of your being, that you are loved. Disappointment is often the back door into grabbing hold of that reality more strongly."
So is that my problem? I don't really feel loved? Hmmm this was very interesting to me, because I know that God loves me, but do I know it deep. You know in that place where the rubber meets the road and something has to give in life, you are in a difficult spot and everything seems to scream at you to give up and walk away, do I know it deep that in those moments I press in, instead of crumble? These are questions I am asking myself.
In this current season, I've had to really look deep into my heart. You know, that place of faith, and what I have found has not always been the prettiest of things. I have realized that I've not been trusting and placing all my hope in God. I have put it to some degree in people. Now I know better, but I'm just keeping it real. This is a raw place to be, but it is also so enlightening to me as well. Father is showing me that it truly is all about Him and who He is, and it is NOT about me or what I am or what I'm not. Now isn't that interesting. Yep I am learning so much right now.
I was loved by God before the foundation of the world, and He loves me with an everlasting love.
As I was reading this morning and the subject of being loved by God has been the theme, I went here to the computer to start this post, and when I pulled up my home page this is what it said: "I love you, I love you, I love you" God.
Thank you Father for this message this morning. I really needed it and You knew that. Nothing that I say, think or do is beyond You and I am thankful. Help me to be more like Christ every single day. Call me out on my stuff Lord. Don't let me get away with feelings of inferiority or anxiousness....call me out and help me to deal with it Lord. I want to go deeper with You Father. Take me there. I praise You Father. In Jesus Name ~~ Amen
"You will only know you are there when you feel a little on the edge of your chair - and yet strangely at peace. Getting there, sometimes, feels like a miracle itself. It is the place of trust."
Love you ~~ Have a Blessed and Beautiful day,
Oh yeah, I posted late last night about a crazy excitement (not in a good way) that we had on Friday. So you can scroll down to the previous post or click the family tab to read all about it. OUCH!!!!! Love you ~~
Great post. I always think that EVERYONE struggles with feeling loved... especially when we try to grasp how deep and wide God's love is for us.
ReplyDeletewow... that book is FULL of powerful messages!!!
ReplyDeleteI love you write in your books too - I tend to do that myself!
That strikes me to the core because I think I have a issue in TRUSTING that God forgives ALL the things we've done... & that puts a barrier there - all me, I know... but the part on you talking about feeling down to the core if God loves us really struck me... my mind is racing with thoughts about this... thank you for always making us think!
Dawn,
ReplyDeleteThis is the very place I am being drawn to these days is that closer more loving relationship with my heavenly father and stop comparing it to the one I had with my earthly one.
Love and Hugs ~ Kat
I love you write in your books
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