Tuesday, February 25, 2014

My Heart's Cry..... The Story of a Mother and her Son

There are posts sometimes that you don't want to hit "Publish"on,
but you feel such an urging from the Lord that you cannot write
another thing until you hit that button. 
This is one of those posts for me.  
I want to.
It is hard,
I wish to be brave.
So here I go.


What is your heart's cry?
Your deep down heart's cry?

I started this year out KNOWING I wanted more of God.
KNOWING that status quo would no longer cut it.
KNOWING that I was made for more than the fear that kept me bound
to the mediocrity of life.

So I started asking the Father to help me.
To renew the fire and passion in me for more of Him.
The desire to pursue Him.
I asked Him to change me.
He set about His business.

You see for quite some time, 
almost five years now, I've lived with a sense of fear
in a particular area.  An area that I absolutely KNEW
that God would use one day, and yet I was paralyzed by fear,
wondering how that could ever be.
How could He use something that so nearly destroyed me?
Something I didn't even want to talk about?
Something that tested my faith to such a degree?

You see, we often talk about the valley.  How bad it is.
How much it hurts.   How our faith is tested there.  How we want out of it.
And while I believe all that to be true, in my valley experience I found myself
in the pit.  A place where the valley was never meant to lead, but so often does.
God doesn't intend for us to be in the pit, the valley yes at times, 
but never the pit.  The pit comes from a lack of faith, not the presence 
of faith.  My faith had been tested, and for a very long time I failed
the test.  But oh the lessons, the invaluable lessons i have learned
meandering around this pit.  I'm so glad that the Father has lifted me out 
of it, and set my feet FIRMLY on the Rock of Jesus Christ.  
He is my Rock and my FIRM foundation.  I can trust in Him,
and so can you.

You see five years ago this March, my Dak started his prodigal wanderings.
Wanderings that have taken us all on quite a journey.  
You see I love him, always have.  My heart hurts for my prodigal.
I know God will bring Him back, He will restore, He will save.
I want it to be today.  Yesterday really.  March 2009 if I'm being really honest.
But I trust.  

I was once a Prodigal.  I came home, and God
stopped at nothing to show His love for me.  He still continues His 
relentless love to me on a daily basis.  I am so thankful.

I wish that I could say I have handled all this like a brilliant,
Godly mother, but sadly I cannot.  I have failed in so many ways, 
that words fail me to convey the depth of my failures, but it has been in
this failure that I have learned some of my biggest life lessons.  
One of the biggest lessons I have learned is what it truly means to love unconditionally.
Deep down, in the depths of who I am, I love this child.  No matter what he does.
My love for him remains.  

So when I ask myself the question what is my heart's cry?
This is my answer:

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger 
In the presence of my Savior.

Thank you for loving us.

Have a Beautiful Day ~~ 


  1. Oh precious one. I know that this was hard for you....as I read the words of being in a pit, it reminded me of where I was....where my prodigal choices led me. Unfortunately, I took the hard roads and the wide paths, doing it all my way. With that....I had to learn a lesson the hard way. As parents we want to save our children from heartache and pain, but you see that's where I learned what I was missing in my life. And I learned to trust Him and His plan for my life. I am praying for Dak, and for you. Love that boy right where he is and remember God is always with him. May God be glorified thru your sharing your heart's cry....oh thank you for your sweet words on my testimony!

  2. Oh friend.... your honesty. Your heart. Your sweet son.
    Your love of God & your love of God FOR your son.
    I'm always praying for your sweet child... I've seen so much working in youth & seeing them grow up to make decisions that I've taught for years, begging them NOT to make. But I've seen them exactly do what you said - be the prodigal. Come home again. Hang onto that faith & trust.. & know God is still with your son, no matter what.

    PS - That song just speaks to my heart so

  3. I know this was hard for you to write. Thank you for your honesty. I think I may have shared this with you before but when a loved one of mine started a prodigal journey, I made it my life's goal to 'reform and restore' them. The only problem with that is I'm not the Holy Spirit. So, in my manipulation, I forgot to love. God spoke to me so clearly to simply love and He would do the convicting. I'm still waiting but my relationship with my loved one is a treasure. He knows where I stand and I don't waiver, but I love through it. I know you do the same. I love you, friend. Praying for you and your sweet son. Deliverance is coming!

  4. wow! A cry of a mother's heart. I too am standing in the gap for a son who has also chosen a prodigal journey. I am believing God is moving in the midst of it all and one day we will see all the prodigals come home. Praying.